Memories of Mourning Dove
By Buffalo Brooke Richardson
Trigger Warning: This email mentions suicide.
I first met Mourning Dove (Sean Waters) one early morning at the Rumi coffee event at a Breitenbush gathering. My next connection happened when he put out a request to the faeries for an astrologer. I was recommended and I did the reading. He was very keen to get some perspective on himself. His Vedic chart showed an isolated full moon, the area of the chart where the reader can see the person’s mind. This indicates a prevailing feeling of being alone in the world, unsupported. That kind of placement combined with other factors in the chart often shows a person able to venture out into the world alone but also shows a strain on the mind. There was a divine and fortunate placement giving strong spiritual qualities to his mind and access to wisdom.
He really felt seen by the reading and he said so.
Subsequent to the reading we began to be friends as I continued to consult him about his chart; he was hungry for the perspective. His chart included a large number of movable signs (cardinal) This gives an action-oriented quality that keeps the person on the move, seeking, changing locations, starting new jobs, moving to new places, constant change and movement. He was a kinetic person, always going somewhere usually on his bike. He had a placement which I knew right away indicated a hunger to know oneself, because of the inability to see oneself in the world.
Much later I learned of his lack of father, his father was missing from his life entirely. He told me of his years at boarding schools and the agony that he experienced there.
The Mars aspect to his Moon(mind) from his seventh house showed aggravation and impulsivity to his thinking. Mars, the celibate warrior in the seventh house also means an aggressive energy in all interactions with the outside world. This means the person gets into battle mode while interacting with the outside world. It’s not a calm energy and can feel impulsive to others in encounters. And yet I felt comfortable with his nature. We talked on the phone for hours over the months from 2023 to 2004.
We became full-on friends and began calling each other “brother”. I discovered an educated, worldly person who had had several careers like myself including as a dancer in NYC. We had long conversations about our lives and found many similarities and things in common. It was extraordinary and rare. We had lived in the same cities. Now Portland was our common ground. Over that time period I visited him at his residence many times. He told me that I was his best friend.
Sean was interested in vehicles and the idea of regaining a car after he had suffered a major financial loss in 2008. We talked constantly about what vehicle he might get and if he should get a car. This went on for the better part of a year, the search for a vehicle solution. Part of his decision to acquire a vehicle was shifting his life from bicycle to car; he loved the Portland biking life. Regular visits to his mom in north Portland, Oregon was a lengthy trip though; he needed a car.
Sean thought in extremes so black and white concepts were typical of him. I pursued his line of thinking tenaciously, determined to bring him into a more realistic place with his decisions.
Sean was a sales person in the death industry, selling services at a mortuary in Portland, Oregon. His job was a short bike commute from his home. He had achieved the highest sales numbers of all the staff where he worked.
In September of 2024 he was laid off by his employer soon after the manager who had hired him departed and new management replaced her. The new manager, a Mormon made the decision.
He had been very depressed after losing his job and was facing the game of unemployment insurance and job hunting. He couldn't bear the dishonesty of that game.
The loss of his cherished job after many, many disappointing employment experiences was a lot for him to bear. In the last week of Dec 2024 and first week of 2025 I had trouble getting him to stay in touch with me.
On the afternoon of January 8, 2025, Sean hung himself in his bedroom.
I was shocked. It sent a shudder through the faerie community of Portland, Oregon where he was known.
After Sean was gone, I met his family and learned the extreme nature of his mental health history including diagnosis and treatment for bipolar disorder, with multiple hospitalizations. I found out that his family was one of secrets and hiding the shame of their past. He had suffered sexual abuse as a child and rejection by the church after revealing his sexuality. The Sean I knew was driven to live honestly and openly and yet still kept many secrets from his faerie family and me.
In our last conversations he shared that he had made several recent mistakes and that his recent Psilocybin therapy had damaged him. At that time, I did not understand what that meant. He kept his past a secret from the Psilocybin therapist.
I had noticed that when looking at the life line of his palm, it was short and dissipated early.
Looking back on our friendship I regret that I missed the clues of his secret past and that I did not live closer to him.
Sean loved helping bereaved people by serving them well in his industry.
In the end his own mortuary services were provided by the mortuary that laid him off.
Astrological placements using Vedic Astrology (Jyotisha)
7 out of 10 planets in movable signs(cardinal) including rising sign, Sun, Moon and Mars.
Moon was Kemadruma (isolated with no planets either side and malefic aspects)
Mars aspected full strength to that Moon but also an exalted Jupiter shone full strength on the moon.
Mars is the ruling planet placed in the 7th house.
Rahu (North node) on the ascendant with Gulika and Arudha Lagna
Rising Nakshatra: Bharani (Aries)ruled by Yama the god of death, 4th Pada
Moon Nakshatra: Shravana(Capricorn)
